Nintendo’s E3 press conference will be held on June 7, 2011 at 9am PST. We know the company will be debuting its new, much rumoured about, Project Café home console, but not much else.

I’ve decided to let a combination of educated guesses and wishful thinking overwhelm my senses, and have formulated the following list of predictions of what I expect the company to do, say, and announce.

You can read my Microsoft E3 2011 conference predictions here, and my Sony predictions here.

Very Likely

1. Project Café system and controller physically shown
2. Controller really does have a screen built into it
3. Café games shown, playable on show floor
4. Iwata flops his hands around while explaining the genius of Café
5. Café’s hardware full generational leap over 360/PS3
6. Café backwards compatible with Wii (and GameCube?)
7. Super Mario 3DS shown, playable on show floor
8. 3DS online functionality pimped like mad
9. Netflix, 3D movies for 3DS discussed
10. New NoA Executive VP of Sales and Marketing Scott Moffitt gets his debut

Likely

11. Café has no hard drive, small amount of flash memory only
12. Super Smash Bros. 4 announced for Project Café
13. New mega-game for casual players announced for Café
14. Animal Crossing 3DS dated, playable
15. Paper Mario 3DS dated, playable
16. Kid Icarus 3DS dated, playable
17. Mario Kart 3DS dated, playable
18. Wii/DS ignored except for quick mention of a few titles on the way
19. Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword still for Wii
20. New Kirby Wii game not shown, announced in PR afterward

Unlikely

21. Project Café’s real name revealed (Stream?)
22. Pikmin 3 announced for Café
23. New Retro Studios game announced for Café
24. Retro game is Donkey Kong Country Returns 2
25. Ports of big-name 360/PS3 games announced for Café
26. Project Café doesn’t play Blu-ray movies, does use similar tech
27. Project Café titles from any of Ubisoft, Activision, EA revealed
28. Wii downloads transferable to Café
29. Facebook integration announced for 3DS
30. Reggie performs standing back-flip

Nigh-impossible

31. Project Café’s price revealed
32. Star Fox announced for Café
33. Wave Race announced for Café
34. Café titles from any three of: Square Enix, Capcom, Sega, Konami, Namco revealed
35. 3DS online store is brimming with cheap, quality downloadable content
36. Pokémon “Grey” revealed for DS, 3DS enhanced
37. Dragon Quest X for Wii debuted
38. Pandora’s Tower and/or Xenoblade Chronicles announced for North America for Wii
39. Another obscure, previously Japan-only first party Wii game announced for North America
40. Vitality Sensor lives

Megaton-caliber fantasies

41. Retro’s new game isn’t DKCR2, it’s Eternal Darkness 2
42. Rockstar is prepping Grand Theft Auto V for Café (and it’s a timed exclusive?)
43. Another mainline AAA third party exclusive announced for Café
44. Firmware update “unlocks” data across Nintendo systems, allows you to link data to a single account
45. Mario/Sonic platformer crossover announced for any system
46. Virtual Boy games announced for 3DS Virtual Console
47. Miyamoto live-demos anything (not happening after last year’s Skyward Sword fiasco)
48. Sega and Namco merging with Nintendo stemming from work on “Triforce” arcade board
49. Call of Duty mainline title exclusive to Café
50. Nintendo announces creation of movie studio (a la Ubisoft)