E3 2011 doesn’t officially begin until June 7, but with Microsoft’s and Sony’s conferences on the 6th, it certainly feels like tomorrow is the start of the show. Unfortunately, not everyone can attend in person, which leaves many avid industry watchers at home to browse blogs, follow live-streams, and complain endlessly on forums beginning tomorrow.
For all those who can’t be at E3 this year, but who have nevertheless chosen to take a week off from reality to experience all that is the Electronic Entertainment Expo, I have devised the following drinking game.
Remember, the big three will have their press events live-blogged right here at Splodinator, but EA and Ubisoft will also have shows to view in amazement/horror if you’re looking for ways to pass the time.
Microsoft Presentation Specific
Every time a new Kinect game is unveiled, take a drink.
Every time a joke is made at the expense of PSN’s down time, take a drink.
Every time a dudebro shooter is shown, take a drink.
Every time Peter Molyneux promises something unrealistic, take a drink.
Every time a Kinect game is awkwardly demonstrated by a little girl, celebrity, or flailing nerd, drink until the person goes away.
Sony Presentation Specific
Every time Sony apologizes for PSN downtime, take a drink.
Every time an NGP game is shown, take a drink.
Take a drink for every $10 the NGP’s base model exceeds $250 (hard mode: a drink for every $10 the NGP’s 3G model exceeds $250).
Every time a Final Fantasy game is shown, take a drink (if it’s Final Fantasy XV, finish your drink).
Every time a new Move game looks like it’s worth buying, pound a flat (you don’t really need to worry about this one).
Nintendo Presentation Specific
Every time a 3DS sequel to a tired franchise is shown, take a drink.
Every time a previously Japan and/or Europe exclusive Wii game is announced for North America, take a drink.
Every time Iwata flaps his hands or parts his hair, take a drink.
If Reggie pulls a gaming device out of his pocket, finish your drink.
When Project Café is unveiled, drink until the applause and tears of joy from grown men in the audience dies down.
Every time a new meme is born, take a drink.
Every time a new peripheral is unveiled, take a drink.
Every time an attractive woman and/or booth babe demonstrates a video game product (in conference, or to a gaming journalist who reports back on it), take a drink.
Every time a new video game system is unveiled, do a keg stand.
Every time you doubt the sanity of the people on message boards discussing Project Café, do a body shot and pretend you’re not one of those people.