Image: VGA 2011 logo. SpikeTV.

For the first time since Spike began its annual insult to the people who design, build, and play video games, I failed to tune in. The TV station aired the 2011 Video Game Awards last Saturday night, and even I was too busy to bother to watch. That doesn’t mean I can’t provide you with a summary of the shameful night.

The two highlights of the show both come from Nintendo man-god Shigeru Miyamoto. The maestro himself was on-hand to accept Zelda‘s induction into the show’s “Video Game Hall of Fame.” His second contribution came in the form of some rhythmic movements which could roughly be described as “dance.”

Perhaps the two lowest points were clustered around Modern Warfare 3‘s win for best shooter. The award was announced by former celebrity Charlie Sheen making the same tired jokes about himself that he always does, followed by a live tea-bagging performed on a developer. Nothing like reinforcing gaming’s childish reputation with the mainstream audience.

I’d list off the night’s winners, but Spike doesn’t bother to give their own awards any focus, so I don’t think I will either. You can skim the winner’s list on Wikipedia while self-administering crotch shots and watching looped ads if you really want to recreate the night for yourself.