The Legend of Zelda: The White Knight

Image: Super Mario Bros Super Show. DiC Entertainment/Nintendo.

Live-Action Plot: This week’s Super Show! is rather heavy on the Zelda, which means it’s very light on the live action. Niece Marilyn comes over and disrupts the brothers, who are attempting to read, by flail-dancing to a boombox along with some other 80s rowdies. Just when the Marios have had enough and are ready to kick the girl out, she announces that it’s time to move the party and leaves. That’s it. That’s the whole thing.

Very Special Guest: Marilyn is played by none other than the Frank Zappa science experiment herself, Moon Unit Zappa. Mysteriously, Moon is credited as “herself” in the episode, even though she is clearly referred to as Marilyn in the show, and calls the Mario brothers “uncs.” Perhaps Marilyn is a nickname, and the Zappas and Marios are actually related. In fact, that’s probably it. The mustaches are a dead giveaway.

Animated Plot: Prince Facade of Arcadia rides to town, and Zelda is immediately smitten. The be-sparkled adventurer in white has got everything Link lacks: charm, cleanliness, and the personality of a dick.

Of course, Ganon takes note of the arrival and senses a chance to claim Hyrule. After Link is laughed out of town for not living up to Zelda’s impossibly high standards, the evil pig-man sends some goons to distract Facade and kidnap the princess. Ganon’s creatures intentionally drag Zelda into a swamp, knowing Facade will refuse to pursue even a hot damsel in distress if it means risking getting his clothes dirty.

Luckily, Zelda’s screams reach Link’s pointed ears in time, and he’s able to get dirty and save the princess. Facade is immediately sent away for his cowardly suck, but Zelda’s feelings don’t transfer to Link. Even though she would have totally given it up for Facade, she’s still not willing to give the true hero any action.

Horrible Stereotype Alert: Mario’s presence is so limited in this episode there really isn’t time for any new racism. I will therefore use this space to complain about the use of the word “ruby” in “The White Knight,” rather than Zelda‘s traditional “rupee.” To be fair, the gem shown is red, and arguably therefore a ruby, but come on, everybody knows Hyrule’s currency is the rupee.

Super Mario Bros. Super Show! Episode Guide: 1×15 Wild Thing/The Legend of Zelda: The White Knight